Goodbye Mrs Penn

My emotions were hanging on a pendulum bob this week. I was exhausted from our trip from Canada but even then it was a happy problem. With the visas finally approved, it was time to check with the school regarding the start date for the kids. All went well for my second grader. He could continue where he left off but for the kindy, according to the school, they were over subscribed and they couldn't give a place. Well, given that we belonged to a different school area, I had to get her registered in a different school from her brother and get the variance form filled and signed for my son to continue where he was. So you can imagine the phone calls and the school visits and then came what I thought was the most challenging part which was to tell my kindy that she wasn't going to be in the same school as her sibling and that she'll not be in Mrs Penn's class.

It wouldn't have been a problem had I not brought her to meet Mrs Penn, check out her classroom and her classmates and give her this very rosy picture of how wonderful kindy was going to be especially if it was in the same school as her sibling. Now, I suppose that's what any parent would do to prep their child for kindy so that it wouldn't be a daunting experience but one that the child would be excited about and be looking forward to experience.

In those few brief visits to her kindy teacher Mrs Penn, she developed an instant liking for the soft spoken motherly teacher. Even though she wasn't about to join the class any time soon, Mrs Penn showed her her seat, and her cubby, introduced her to her friends and made her feel welcome. On photo taking day, she stood in line and let Mrs Penn smooth a stray hair and tuck it into place. There was a certain kindness, a gentleness and warmth to Mrs Penn. The last visit to Mrs Penn, she said to my kindy, "Now I can't wait to have you in my class. So when your visa's all done, and you can join us, I'll be waiting right here for you." That was mid-September.

So since that time till our appointment to get our visas stamped in Canada in the first week of Nov, my kindy has been reminding me that she will be joining Mrs Penn's class. She was looking forward to it so much that it would light up her face just to say I'm going to Mrs Penn's class. And she would ask me if I thought Mrs Penn would like it if she wore a certain dress, or a certain shoe. You get the gist? And she was counting down to when she could be in Mrs Penn's class.

On Monday, after receiving news from the principal that she will need to go to a different school, I had to have a chat with her. I had to manage her expectations and explain why she had to go to a different school from her sibling, and that would mean not being in Mrs Penn's class. Well, finally we decided that she'd say goodbye to Mrs Penn before she starts in a different school. It would provide her with closure.

We never got to see Mrs Penn. She wasn't in class. Instead of Mrs Penn, there was a substitute teacher. Mrs Penn had left the class, left the school, left this world two days before we came to bid her farewell. My kindy would never get to see her for the last time. Her passing came to me as a shock. I didn't know till that day that she was battling cancer. There is such a sense of loss in her passing. She was a lovely person.While the cancer got the better of her, she will definitely live on in our hearts and minds.Goodbye Mrs Penn.

Hi - Bye

I think I should stay away from coffee especially at night. I start thinking about the weirdest things during the wee hours. Must be something about listening to the rhythmic sound of people breathing in their sleep against the backdrop of this overpowering silence of the night. The stillness. It's as if the whole world is asleep and you the silent observer. 

While I am caught between this state of elevated presence and near exhaustion from the day's events and activities, I start to wonder how much I value friendship. Have you ever wondered the value of "hello"? Sometimes it's so easily difficult to say 'Hello' not knowing where it'll end and maybe not wanting to know either. There is a certain ambiguity about that word. A certain sense of excitement mixed with uncertainty. A sense of anticipation as you would experience when you hit the button on hotwire.com willing to part ways with $ but not knowing what you will be getting. (If you've not tried this site, I assure you, it can be quite exciting. Maybe when you are planning for your winter break? or your honeymoon? or a short getaway? or maybe when you're sick of being in control and crave to be reckless. Why not try this?) Hmm...I digress, no? Back to "hello". It takes so much courage to say it...and yet it is over so very quickly. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. Does that also mean, the less value we place at saying it? Did "You got me at 'Hello'" ever really happen?

What about "goodbye"? Doesn't it have the totally opposite effect? It's so much easier to say goodbye, at least for me. There is a ring of finality. A certain sense of closure. A 'The End' if you like. It's so much easier to know when things will end, how it will end, why it ended. Of course, there is the other kind of "goodbye" - the kind when the lines "parting is such sweet sorrow" resonates. But how often does that happen? how long does it last? How more real and grounded and final the first goodbye sounds. How much more in control one feels when one gets to say it. How planned and well thought through this one can be.

I don't like saying 'hello's because a goodbye is inevitable. If you never start something, you never need to end it, do you? But not having started anything will gain you nothing. Maybe nothing is better than something or anything. I don't know about you, but I find it interesting how people can waltz in and out of peoples' lives .  How sometimes we don't need to say goodbye and yet it's said. How sometimes we long to say goodbye and yet can't.

Hello is so potent. It's an investment. It's a box of chocolates. Sometimes I forget and eat it and then agonise over having to spit it out. Damn the goodbyes.

Tupperware Crazee

I think I'm becoming an addict to these giveaways. There's something fun about joining in the online contest and checking if you got lucky and won the giveaway. Well especially if the giveaway is something you really want like this Tupperware set from Favors With Love. Well...it doesn't need to be this particular set and I'd still want it. Anything Tupperware will do!

Why? Cos' I've grown up in my mom's Tupperware- filled kitchen. She had Tupperware for everything from cereal in her cupboard to the refrigerator to the little water tumblers she used to carry along in her work bag.  IN fact she has everything in the picture above. I'm surprised her kitchen didn't become a Tupperware Showroom. You won't believe it but she sent me some traditional treats in a Tupperware box once when I was overseas. Now this Tupperware really crossed oceans! She simply loves it and trusts it.

And I love it just as much because to me, I've seen those things last a lifetime. No kidding! So I'm hoping that I'll get this to add to my collection. And you can tell just by looking at the state of my collection, that they are everyday-use items.

Big is good, Small is better

I wonder how many of us appreciate Orwell for his Animal Farm especially the subversion of "Four legs good, Two legs Bad" to "Four legs good, two legs better". I read this classic as an exam text in middle school. It wasn't one of my favorites.Not because of the maxims and it's reference to communism, Karl Marx, Lenin and the likes of this bunch of jokers but because of the pigs in the story. They disgusted me and the very thought of them ruling the rest of the animals and being considered the smartest of animals put me off. *Shrug* yeah it did.

But now, as I look around me, and experience life each day and see life change over the years (which I believe is what every normal person does, actually, intentionally or not), I seem to find bits and pieces in that story to be very applicable. But it's not all bad. While the world has become a mere village and possibly an even smaller unit than that in the future, and micro technology has become nano technology, so has our children's perception of toys changed.

I remember when I was a kid, it used to be BIG was better. So a birthday present that was huge MUST be awesome and a small inconspicuous one a poor match. A trip to the toy shop would have my eyes looking for big stuff which could do all sorts of tricks as compared to a small one. Showing off a big yellow BIG bird was better than a small kermit. And let's not even go to play sets. Who wouldn't want a whole standing mini kitchen in the playroom? *Sigh with nostalgia* But my last shopping trip to Toys 'R' Us with my kids proved to me that Big was good but Small was BETTER.

Yup. You sure heard me right. So here's the craze with small things. My son has a collection of little cars. I have no idea what he needs that many little cars for, but the fact is he never tires of them and as long as I see him playing with the toys he's bought, I don't complain. But his latest addition to this collection is the nano-bug. Yup. The nano tech has reached the kids. And it's amazing even if I, the non-techy non-nano savvy person, say so. It's a really intelligent bug and rather fascinating. I think the green inchworm bug is his favorite. Did I forget to tell you that he's also into miniature remote controls?

 
(image taken from http://agiveawayeveryday.blogspot.com/)

I know he's it'll probably send him to the moon and keep him there if he gets the Hexbug Original. I'm hoping that I'll be the lucky winner of Innovation First International's giveaways of hexbug orginals. I've never been a bigger fan of bugs till now! And here's to reinforcing the maxim (at least to me) "good things come in small packages".

*chanting* Hexbug come to me....hexbug come to me... HEXBUG, come to me, NOW!

Paradox of our Lives

I'm sure you've probably come across this before but someone emailed it to me recently again. It's a keeper. Something that shouts TRUTH and yet makes your heart melt at the thought of the many things you can do to make life better but has slipped past you in your waking hours. So enjoy!

****

• The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more agricultural experts, yet more hunger, more medicine, but less wellness.We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

• We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

• We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

• These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

• Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

• Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

• Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

• Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

• Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

• Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

• Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

There's not enough time

I cannot for the life of me figure why I always complain that I have no time to get something done. I need to find time to read. I need to catch some time to sleep. And then of course there's no time to do all the things a God fearing person would like to do. Don't you wonder?

Years ago, I was teaching a comprehension passage with opening lines which began "What is life if full of care. We have no time to stand and stare."

So what is this "care" that goes into my day? The normal routine - eat, clean, do what's necessary for the kids, with the kids and cook, check mails, 5 times prayer (hmmmm..at times guilty of missing a few!) and then sleep". Do you see anything that's extraordinary about my day? I'm sure the answer is no. It's totally baffling that I am surrounded by the things which are supposed to make you spend your time efficiently like the washing machine, dryer, microwave, oven, vacuum cleaner etc. I'm sure you get the drift. I'm even more sure that I'm not alone in this baffled department.

I think the solution is discipline. If my day were to be run on a strict timetable, I think I'd probably be able to squeeze in lots. It's just like money. If you don't have the discipline to spend it wisely, you'll always find yourself poor no matter how much u had to begin with.

Hmm...now to find a way to make sure I have enough willpower to discipline myself. Would be great to have suggestions.

Forgiveness and Acceptance

I was at an all lady's gathering some time ago. It was an interesting attempt at uniting women from different cultures, nationalities, languages but shared one faith - Islam. The highlight for me was the focus of a speech made by an invited speaker. Her focus was the topic of forgiveness and acceptance . Let me share with you what she has shared with us and may Allah swt forgive me if I misquote her but this is what I gleaned and heard and remembered, for HE is the Most Merciful.

Story 1:

There were 2 boys who were walking in the desert. They were very hot and tired and thirsty and they started arguing. It became such a heated argument that one of the boys, let's call him A, slapped the other, B. B did not retaliate nor did he utter a word. He wrote in the sand "Today, my friend slapped me." They continued walking and reached an oasis. A chose to rest by the oasis and B jumped into it to have a good swim. Suddenly B started shouting for help. He was drowning because a cramp in his leg made it unable for him to move. A jumped in and gently helped his friend to safety. B immediately wrote on a rock nearby, "Today, my friend saved my life." A's curiosity was piqued. He wanted to know why his friend was writing these phrases and so he asked, "My friend, why do you need to write these words?" B replied simply, "When you slapped me, I wrote the words in the sand so that the winds of forgiveness will blow it away. But when you saved me, I wrote it on the rock because it will remain forever."

Story 2:

Rasullullah (pbuh) was with a group of his friends when he said that the next person to enter would be a man who will have a place in Heaven. Hearing this, his friends began to pay more attention waiting to see who this person was.

As they waited, a man walked in. His beard was wet from having taken his ablution and holding his pair of shoes in one of his hands. There was nothing special or unique or different about this man. The friends wondered why Rasullullah (pbuh) had made the remark. The next day, Rasullullah (pbuh) said the same thing again and the same person walked in again. On the third day, the events repeated itself.

One of the friends decided to find out what made this man so special that Rasullullah (pbuh) had repeated thrice the same comment. So he walked up to the man and asked if he could stay with him for some time as he had quarrelled with his father and did not want to go home. The man agreed to let him stay in his house. For 3 days he stayed with the man. He became even more curious. The man didn't do anything fantastic, or out of the ordinary. He ate, slept, prayed, went about his daily activites as would any other person. He didn't do any extra "good" to gain extra blessings.

Finally on the third day, he could no longer bear with his sense of bafflement. He decided to admit the real reason for staying with the man. He told him that he made up the excuse of having quarrelled so that he could stay with the man and watch him in order to know the secret to being promised a place in Heaven. He told the man how Rasullullah had repeated thrice his statement.

The man replied that he was no extraordinary man. He was a simple man and he lived simply. He was not hiding anything and he had done as he had done as usual. As Rasullullah's friend turned and walked away, the man called him suddenly and said that there was one other thing though. He was happy with what he had and he had no desire to have what others had. And his heart held no grudges.

Hadith 20:

The gates of Paradise will be opened on Mondays and on Thursdays, and every servant [of Allah] who associates nothing with Allah will be forgiven, except for the man who has a grudge against his brother. [About them] it will be said: Delay these two until they are reconciled; delay these two until they are reconciled.

My thoughts?
To forgive and forget...how easily these words are spoken. May my fragile self have the strength to have a clean heart unblemished by grudges, God Willing.

Which comes first, matters.

How often have you heard the phrase "It's a chicken and egg thing". Sure. It's probably a question of which comes first and not being able to identify which is which, it's easy enough to term it the chicken and egg problem. Unfortunately, not everything can so conveniently be put away.

• Which comes first - thunder or lightning? Have you ever wondered what happens to a person who gets struck by lightning? Since light travels faster than sound, he'll probably get struck by lightning before he hears (or maybe he won't) the clap of the thunder. Kinda funny to think of the way we use language. It almost seems as if the thunder claps for the lightning strikes! Morbid?

• We told the kids that there once used to be a very cruel Tsar called Ivan the Terrible. He was so cruel that the people gave him the title Ivan the Terrible. Then we followed it with a question.

Q: Why do you think Ivan the Terrible was called Ivan the Terrible?

A: Because every time someone called him "Terrible" he would have his guards deal with them.

Don't kids say just the darnest things?

Of Man and Machines

The old laptop, a gift to my husband on his X birthday has started to slow down. It takes a long time to start up, it takes a long time to load pages and it basically takes a lot longer to do things compared to the faster newer laptop I received on my X birthday from hubby. Then a few days ago over dinner we discussed the need to replace that old machine.

"It's just too slow. I don't know what's wrong with it, I feel like giving it a good shake t make it move faster."

"It's just getting old."

"Yeah, but it's ageing prematurely."

"I doubt if you can do much to make it move any faster. If it's dying, it's dying. We'll just have to let it live its life out. I wonder if our kids will show us such impatience when we become old and start slowing down."

"It's just a machine."

"I know, but doesn't it make you think how machines are built so much like man? Their batteries 'die', they 'lose parts', they make a whole range of sounds from 'humming' to 'whining' and then we talk to our machines - 'C'mon, u can do this.' I know I talk to the navigation system when I'm driving. I say "Lady, show me the way" or "Not NOW!!!" or "Thank you, I knew I could depend on you even if you gave me trouble at the start."

Sigh.

It's uncanny but why do we get impatient when things and people slow down especially when we know the obvious truth that age is catching up and time has taken its toll? I hope that in my old age, my children will not treat me like a piece of worn out slowed down machine. I hope that they will treat me with respect and kindness, with understanding and tolerance and most importantly with love.

Enjoy the video. It's so touching.

What would I do without rice?

I guess there would be some who wouldn't even have such a thought cross their minds. Unfortunately, I need my plate of rice. Yeah, there's pasta and potatoes and bread and what-have-you but let me repeat myself - I need rice. It's not that I love the taste of rice or there was something especially significant about rice that makes it a must have. It's something about eating a certain amount of rice for lunch and dinner that makes it feel like a meal. If there's no rice, it's just food. It just simply feels incomplete.

So why this post? Cos I didnt think I'd survive without rice for this long. How long? 4 days. Ok, go ahead and snort...but it's a big deal. In fact, I've been silently applauding myself for being able to come up with food - 3 meals a day - and enjoy the variety. I cooked spaghetti, finished the box of instant rice (this doesn't count!), managed a western meal with fries and lamb chops, and today I tried my hand at naan. It's interesting how we break the mould, come out of our shells and put on a new do when we really have to.

However, while I think it's great that I dealt with the change with such positivity and courage, I had to celebrate the glowing sacks of rice - that are sitting patiently in my pantry waiting for me to scoop cupfuls of those lovely wonderful grains into my rice cooker, give them a good bath before steaming them to fluffy white tenderness - by baking a delightful looking chocolate cheesecake. Not that I am a fan of chocolate but I could try it for a change. Right?