Hi - Bye

I think I should stay away from coffee especially at night. I start thinking about the weirdest things during the wee hours. Must be something about listening to the rhythmic sound of people breathing in their sleep against the backdrop of this overpowering silence of the night. The stillness. It's as if the whole world is asleep and you the silent observer. 

While I am caught between this state of elevated presence and near exhaustion from the day's events and activities, I start to wonder how much I value friendship. Have you ever wondered the value of "hello"? Sometimes it's so easily difficult to say 'Hello' not knowing where it'll end and maybe not wanting to know either. There is a certain ambiguity about that word. A certain sense of excitement mixed with uncertainty. A sense of anticipation as you would experience when you hit the button on hotwire.com willing to part ways with $ but not knowing what you will be getting. (If you've not tried this site, I assure you, it can be quite exciting. Maybe when you are planning for your winter break? or your honeymoon? or a short getaway? or maybe when you're sick of being in control and crave to be reckless. Why not try this?) Hmm...I digress, no? Back to "hello". It takes so much courage to say it...and yet it is over so very quickly. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. Does that also mean, the less value we place at saying it? Did "You got me at 'Hello'" ever really happen?

What about "goodbye"? Doesn't it have the totally opposite effect? It's so much easier to say goodbye, at least for me. There is a ring of finality. A certain sense of closure. A 'The End' if you like. It's so much easier to know when things will end, how it will end, why it ended. Of course, there is the other kind of "goodbye" - the kind when the lines "parting is such sweet sorrow" resonates. But how often does that happen? how long does it last? How more real and grounded and final the first goodbye sounds. How much more in control one feels when one gets to say it. How planned and well thought through this one can be.

I don't like saying 'hello's because a goodbye is inevitable. If you never start something, you never need to end it, do you? But not having started anything will gain you nothing. Maybe nothing is better than something or anything. I don't know about you, but I find it interesting how people can waltz in and out of peoples' lives .  How sometimes we don't need to say goodbye and yet it's said. How sometimes we long to say goodbye and yet can't.

Hello is so potent. It's an investment. It's a box of chocolates. Sometimes I forget and eat it and then agonise over having to spit it out. Damn the goodbyes.